1) You have a power worm dangling from your rear view mirror because you think it makes a good air freshener.
2) Your wedding party had to tie tin cans to the back of your bass boat.
3) You call your boat "sweetheart" and your wife "skeeter".
4) Your local tackle shop has your credit card number on file.
5) You keep a flippin stick by your favorite chair to change the TV channels with.
6) You name your black lab "Mercury" and your cat "Evinrude".
7) Bass Pro Shop has a private line just for you.
You have your name painted on a parking space at the launch ramp.
9) You have a photo of your 10 lb. bass on your desk at work instead of your family.
10) You consider viennies and crackers a complete meal.
11) You think MEGABYTES means a great day fishing.
12) You send your kid off to the first day of school with his shoes tied in a palomar knot.
13) You think there are four seasons–Pre-spawn, Spawn, Post Spawn and Hunting.
14) Your $30,000 bass boat’s trailer needs new tires so you just "borrow" the ones off your house.
15) You trade your wife’s van for a smaller vehicle so your bass boat will fit in the garage.
16) Your kids know it’s Saturday—Because the boats gone,
#20 – No matter how much whiskey you’ve had, you can still Fish.
#19 – A limp rod is still useful while Fishing.
#18 – You don’t have to hide your Fishing magazines.
#17 – It is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Fish with you once in a while.
#16 – The Ten Commandments don’t say anything against Fishing.
#15 – If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you Fishing you don’t have to worry about them showing up on the Internet if you become famous.
#14 – Your Fishing partner doesn’t get upset about people you Fished with long ago.
#13 – It’s perfectly respectable to Fish with a total stranger.
#12 – When you see a really good Fishing person, you don’t have to feel guilty about imagining the two of you Fishing together.
#11 – If your regular Fishing partner isn’t available, he/she won’t object if you Fish with someone else.
#10 – Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you Fish by yourself.
#9 – When dealing with a Fishing pro, you never have to wonder if they are really an undercover cop.
#8 – You don’t have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborhood to buy Fishing stuff.
#7 – You can have a Fishing calendar on your wall at the office, tell Fishing jokes, and invite coworkers to Fish with you without getting sued for Fishing harassment
#6 – There are no Fishing-transmitted diseases.
#5 – If you want to watch Fishing on television, you don’t have to subscribe to the Playboy channel.
#4 – Nobody expects you to Fish with the same partner for the rest of your life.
#3 – Nobody expects you to give up Fishing if your partner loses interest in it.
#2 – You don’t have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily to enjoy your favorite activity.
#1 – Your Fishing partner will never say, "Not again? We just Fished last week – Is Fishing all You ever think about!"
Two guys from Daniels County are quietly sitting in a fishing boat sucking down beer when suddenly Mel says, "I think I’m going to divorce my wife – she hasn’t spoken to me in over 2 months."
Earl sips his beer and says, "You better think it over – women like that are hard to find."
1) You have a power worm dangling from your rear view mirror because you think it makes a good air freshener.
2) Your wedding party had to tie tin cans to the back of your bass boat.
3) You call your boat "sweetheart" and your wife "skeeter".
4) Your local tackle shop has your credit card number on file.
5) You keep a flippin stick by your favorite chair to change the TV channels with.
6) You name your black lab "Mercury" and your cat "Evinrude".
7) Bass Pro Shop has a private line just for you.
You have your name painted on a parking space at the launch ramp.
9) You have a photo of your 10 lb. bass on your desk at work instead of your family.
10) You consider viennies and crackers a complete meal.
11) You think MEGABYTES means a great day fishing.
12) You send your kid off to the first day of school with his shoes tied in a palomar knot.
13) You think there are four seasons–Pre-spawn, Spawn, Post Spawn and Hunting.
14) Your $30,000 bass boat’s trailer needs new tires so you just "borrow" the ones off your house.
15) You trade your wife’s van for a smaller vehicle so your bass boat will fit in the garage.
16) Your kids know it’s Saturday—Because the boats gone,
Two redneck guys go on a fishing trip.
They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.
They spend a fortune.
The first day they go fishing, but they don’t catch anything.
The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day.
It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they’re driving home they’re really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"
The other guy says, "Wow! It’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more!"
A fisherman returned to shore with a giant marlin that was bigger and heavier than he. On the way to the cleaning shed, he ran into a second fisherman who had a stringer with a dozen baby minnows. The second fisherman looked at the marlin, turned to the first fisherman and said, " Only caught one, eh?"
A couple of young fellers were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bush’s jumped the Game Warden !!
Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods, and hot on his heels came the Game Warden.
After about a half mile the fella stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the Game Warden finally caught up to him.
"Lets see yer fishin license, Boy !!" the Warden gasped.
With that, the fella pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.i||3galr3pr0duct|on0fa!h!a!j0k3s
"Well, son", said the Game Warden, " You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks !! You don’t have to run from me if you have a valid license!"
"Yes Sir", replied the young feller," But my friend back there, well, he don’t have one"…
Bob is sitting on the ice all day fishing with no luck, not even a nibble. Cold and tired he is about to leave, when a guy walks up cuts a hole in the ice beside him, and starts pulling out fish as fast a he can drop his hook in the water.
Bob can’t believe it, he yells over ” whats your secret?” “woogatkakeptewrwm” he answers back. “what did you say?” replies Bob. The man spits a large ball of worms on the ice and says to Bob, ” you have to keep your worms warm”.
If you re fishing on ice, you should never tell a joke on ice. WHY??? The ice will crack up!
Why men like to fishing so much? They finally found something as smart as them to talk to.
When fish play football, who is the captain ? The team’s kipper !
How do fish go into business ? The start on a small scale !
What do you call a fish with no eyes ? Fish !
Why are fish so smart? They are always in schools!
Which fish go to heaven when they die ? Angelfish !
What bit of fish doesn’t make sense ? The piece of cod that passeth all understanding !
What kind of money do fishermen make ? Net profits !
What do you get if you cross a salmon, a bird’s leg and a hand ? Birdsthigh fish fingers !
Two parrots are sitting on a perch. The first one says to the other “can you smell fish?”.
What TV game show do fish like best? Name that tuna!
What part of a fish weighs the most ? It’s scales !
What do you call a literary fish? Salmon Rushdie!
What fish do road-menders use ? Pneumatic krill !
What is dry on the outside, filled with water and blows up buildings ? A fish tank !
Who sleeps at the bottom of the sea ? Jack the kipper !
What did the boy fish say to his girlfriend ? Your plaice or mine !
Why is a fish easy to weigh ? Because it has its own scales !
What did the sardine call the submarine ? A can of people !
Why are sardines the stupidest fish in the sea ? Because they climb into tins, close the lid and leave teh key outside !
Why do penguins eat fish? Because donuts get soggy before they can catch them.
Where do fish come from? Finland!
Which fish dresses the best? The Swordfish – It always looks sharp!
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout ? Monkfish !
What kind of fish will help you hear better ? A herring aid !
What do naked fish play with ? Bare-a-cudas !
Why are fish cleverer than humans? Ever seen a fish spend a fortune trying to hook a human?
What did the fish do when his piano sounded odd? He called the piano tuna!
Why are fish boots the warmest ones to wear ? Because they have electric eels !
What was the name of Tom Sawyer’s fish? Huckleberry Fin!
Why are gold fish orange ? The water makes them rusty !
What will santa bring your fish this christmas? A scale letrix!
What was the Tsar of Russia’s favorite fish ? Tsardines !
What do romantic fish sing to each other? Salmon-chanted evening !
What do you call a big fish who makes you an offer you can’t refuse ? The Codfather !
What’s a sea serpent’s favourite meal? Fish and ships!
Why are fish so gullible? They fall for things hook, line and sinker!
How do you communicate with a fish? You drop it a line!
What kind of fish is useful in freezing weather ? Skate !
Where are most fish found ? Between the head and the tail !
What fish sounds like a telephone? Herring, herring…herring, herring…herring, herring.
How do you tune a fish? With its scales!
What do you get if you cross a trout with an apartment ? A flat fish !
What’s the best way to catch a fish? Have someone throw it at you.
How did the fish’s tail get stuck in the anchor chain? It was just a fluke!
Why are fish no good at tennis? They don’t like to get too close to the net!
What do you call a man with a large flatfish on his head? Ray!
How do you post a fish? You send it COD … or first bass mail
Where do you go to meet the best fish? It doesn’t matter – any old plaice will do.
What kind of a fish does your Parrot sit on? A Perch!
Why should you use six hooks on your fishing line? eFISHancy!
What is a knight’s favourite fish? A swordfish!
What fish is best to have in a boat? A Sailfish.
How do you get around fast on the bottom of the sea? Skates!
How do the fish get to school ? By octobus !
What fish make the best sandwich? A peanut butter and jellyfish
To whom do fish go to borrow money ? The loan shark !
What fish only swims at night ? A starfish !
What do dirty fish read? Prawno Magazines!
Why men like to fishing so much? They finally found something as smart as them to talk to.
Have you seen the new fishing website? No, it’s not online yet.
What is the difference between a fisherman and a lazy student? One baits his hook, the other hates his book.
What sort of net is useless for catching fish ? A football net !
What did Noah do while spending time on the ark ? Fished, but he didn’t catch much. He only had two worms !
What’s the difference between an angler and a dunce? One baits his hooks while the other hates his books.
Fisherman: What are you fishing for sonny? Boy: I m not fishing, I m drowning worms.
Q: How many anglers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Four, one to change the light bulb and three to brag about how big the old one was and about the one that they would have changed, but “It got away”
How many South Dakotans does it take to go ice fishing? Four. One to cut the hole in the ice, and three to push the boat through.
Lee: I just swallowed a fish bone! Counselor: Are you choking? Lee: No, I m serious!
